


Welcome to Aperture

by newyorktopaloalto



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, M/M, but it might be a first for the fandom, idk what this is that no archive warnings apply, portal fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-14
Updated: 2013-07-14
Packaged: 2017-12-20 03:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/882383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyorktopaloalto/pseuds/newyorktopaloalto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil gives an announcement from a sponsor, and Carlos reels at the familiar wording.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Aperture

**Author's Note:**

> Dear, sweet audience, I would just like to point out that this is both my first Welcome to Night Vale fic and Portal fic. If it is inadequate, please report me to the City Council, so I can sacrifice myself to the bloodstone circle which may or may not transport sacrifices to Cthulhu— nothing has been seen nor heard, so it is as of yet unknown.

When life gives you lemonade, dear listeners, don't make lemonade. Make life take those lemons back. Get mad, dear listeners, you don't want those lemons, what are you supposed to do with them? You can't use them for any rituals, so you should demand to see life's manager, listeners. Make life rue the day it decided to give you lemons. Night Vale will personally burn down your house with the lemons, we are the community that is going to do that. 

This commercial was brought to you by Tropicana Orange Juice: At Least it's Not Lemonade. 

***

Listeners, during the sponsorship message, I got an extremely odd call. Of course, I answered it, because who am I to deny an actual call from a listener? I am a news reporter, and if one of you would like to speak with me, I cannot say no. 

However, when I answered the phone, it was who I had least expected. Can you imagine, listeners? Answering the phone to expect one of you wonderful people, and instead to hear the sweet, caramel tone of perfect, beautiful Carlos? Oh listeners, I was absolutely astounded. Now, I don't much enjoy airing my personal life on the air— I try to keep the professionalism that as a radio host I am contractually obligated to keep in fear of station management retaliation; and we all know how that went the last time. But I cannot help but give my dear, sweet community a little background. 

I have, of course, told you all the story about the Arby's and Carlos' and my perfect, amazing night under the glowing lights of change and the unknown, but after that night... Well, listeners, Carlos never called me. Never spoke a word, actually. I still have his trophy on my desk, a reminder of a night that I believed my life had changed forever, but made it actually stay exactly the same. But that's life, isn't it? Things, people, places— they all come and go, but in the end we stay exactly the same. 

***

Sorry to go on that tangent, listeners, but the movement from behind station's management door reminded me that I need to get on with the story. So, without further ado I bring you—

The weather. 

***

When Carlos called me , he asked if I had ever heard of a place called Aperture Sciences. I hate to admit that I laughed, but listeners, sweet, amazingly beautiful Carlos actually asked me if I had heard of Aperture Sciences. Me— Aperture Sciences. 

For those that do not know why this is so inconceivable, Aperture Sciences appeared in our quaint, yet almost perfect, town 57 years ago. It was founded by Night Vale's own resident, Cave Johnson, and ran the town and commerce for years until it vanished three years ago in a haze of what witnesses say was blue goo and a robotic, yet distinctly feminine voice, lamenting the fact that humans were non-existent. 

Of course, this was studied for the requisite week by the Sheriff's Secret Police, and it was found that all Night Vale residents are not actually registered as human in any scientific fourm! 

Regardless, I told perfect Carlos that of course I had heard of Aperture Sciences, who in Night Vale hasn't? His reply was shaky at best, and bitter, acidic tears ran down my face to hear his dulcet voice unsure of himself in that way.

*** 

Listeners, Carlos called me once more during the requisite Pledge to City Council, and told me some disturbing news. 

Apparently, Night Vale citizens, Carlos, sweet, amazing, perfect Carlos, actually worked at Aperture Sciences when he first got his degree! Oh, listeners, it is a happy day in Night Vale to know that our local celebrity has such deep roots in our town— that while Aperture Sciences may have disappeared from our bustling community forever, there is still a place where real science is happening! Listeners, when I was a child, I was a volunteer for GLaDOS, and oh, it was wonderful. To know that Carlos and I had most likely the same experiences in our youth makes my heart stutter and my blood ice over with the nano-particles of unmentionable scientific values that they put in me for unknowable and, most likely, unfathomable reasons. 

***

Listeners, whatever you do, do not order lovely Carlos a cake in celebration. 

***

Also, listeners, do not mention Companion Cubes— if not only because it's a felony to after the debacle two years ago. Carlos, perfect, beautifully coiffed Carlos gets the most distressing look on his face, and it is something that will fill you with emotion that has been banned by the City Council and the Sheriff's Secret Police. 

***

When you get a phone call, answer it. You might not think that your life will change, but sometimes, with a little push in the right direction from horrifying, yet enjoyable, past experiences, your life might get better. 

And on that note, I wish you well in your horrorterror filled dreams. It is Sunday, after all. 

Goodnight, Night Vale, good night.

**Author's Note:**

> From the Night Vale kink meme. Prompt found here: http://nightvalecommunitykink.dreamwidth.org/822.html?thread=35894#cmt35894


End file.
